I said I would write about the affects of being ill and what it can do psychologically to you. I am not a doctor and do not substitute any of my views for any type of treatment. If you are having difficulties you need to seek help from a medical provider not something you read on the internet.
With that said let me begin. As I have said previously I have been ill with an undiagnosed abdominal problem for about 6 months now. Beyond the obvious physical problems there are underlying physiological issues that came up.
One is depression. I have found that I developed it a few months after all this started. I began feeling down mentally and physically. I didn't recognize it because I have never had depression before. Then while in the hospital on one of my many stays I finally broke down after the doctor told me they tests weren't showing anything wrong with me. I have never been an emotional person, but for some reason I kept having these episodes where I would just breakdown and cry. The episodes where usually triggered by pain or could be something as simple as not being able to attend my sons soccer games. I finally talked to my family physician. He agreed that he could see it in me also. He gave me some samples of a anti-depressant. Well I just did not want to take them. I was already on an anti-depressant from a pinched nerve years ago, but the strength was not much. I was taking it because it helped with migraine headaches and was just left on it. I finally told the doctor I didn't want to add another medication. He decided at that point to go ahead and up my dose of the one I was already on. It does help, but is not a cure all.
Depression is a weird thing. I have dealt with people who had it, but never thought of myself being one to develop this problem. I would go through times when I just wanted to end it all. Not something I probably would ever do, but at the time it seemed like the only way out. I have also noticed that since I can't provide for my family and we are just barely hanging on that it is slowly creeping it ugly head back up. My wife tries to be supportive, but she don't know what to do for me so I think at times she just tries to avoid the conversation.
I have also noticed and been told that my attitude towards people is bad. I can't just snap for no reason and be the hatefulliest person you have seen. It can be something simple that nobody would get upset over, but I will just snap and go off. This has caused problems with my wife and I. I have also snapped on my kids verbally and my parents. I have never physically touched anyone, but I can verbally abuse them for stupid stuff. I don't know if this is part of the depression or a side effect to one of my medications. I know my seizure medication has a side effect known as "keppra rage". I am trying to work on this, but it's hard. It's like I have no control over myself.
Well I am sure there is more, but I will stop there for now. If anyone out there is actually reading this and have any questions or just want someone to talk to you can reach me here. I have my own problems
and maybe we have the same problems and can work on them together.
12/14/2010
Well I went today for my capsule endoscopy. After starving yesterday and not being able to drink since 7 p.m. I got up at 4:45 this morning for the 1 hour drive. I get there, fill out my paper work and wait an hours to be called back. The nurse comes in and says there is a problem. The don't have a capsule for me because they already gave out the 2 they had. So I was sent home with no procedure and just a sorry, comeback another day. I was upset, but not as bad as my mother. She gave them a piece of her mind. I tried to get her to leave and not say nothing, but she wouldn't listen. She is a believer in telling people just what you think. I am more of a believer in just keep your mouth shut because it's not going to change nothing. I mean they weren't going to find another camera so what could they do. I love my mother to death and would do anything I could for her, but sometimes she just embarrasses me.
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