I am starting this blog to keep track of my life as I progress with inner demons, illness, success and anything that I feel like writing about. Since my recent transfer I don't really know anyone where I live and need to get things off my chest and my struggles. Sure I have my wife and kids, but it just seems easier sometimes when you have someone on the outside to talk to so I have decided to just write it down.
Basically I have been off work for the last 6 months or so with a digestive disorder. This all started right before my transfer to my new location. Was it all brought on by stress? I am not sure, but I bet it did contribute. I have not had the easiest life. Some by my own doing, some by poor choices and some by just being unlucky I guess.
Currently I am struggling with this digestive problems. Just woke up one morning with what was like the stomach flu. Next day still the same and continued on for about a week and then was hospitalized. Doctors at first thought it was diverticulitis. Surgeon didn't think so and thought it was Chron's disease. Still another couple of weeks went by with no relief. Surgeon decided it was my gallbladder and it was removed. After the surgery I still had no relief. Scheduled an appointment with a gastro doc and he did a colonoscopy. Found a few polyps, one being precancerous and removed the. Said I needed to learn to eat better and that was my only problem. Well after several more ER visits and hospitalizations an EGD was done. Showed I had several problems, but again no relief from symptoms.
I then decided it was time to go to another. Was admitted to another hospital in another larger town. Well my stay there was not great and a growth was found on my left kidney. After fighting with the "hospitalist" he finally called in a specialist for my kidney and gastro problems. The 2 doctors were very nice and seemed to know what they were talking about. The kidney specialist referred me to another specialist that he felt could help me more. The gastro doctor ran some test and could find anything. He sent me to Dallas to a specialist for Sphincter of Oddi dysfunction. Went to Dallas and they doctor there didn't think that is what I have. He had some tests done and sent me home to have more tests done. One of the symptoms of the disease is elevated liver enzymes, but I had only 1 blood test that showed that. Well after much research on my part the disease has 3 types, with one of those types being that your enzymes never show elevated. It is known as SOD type 3. Well from my own research I have found there is really no cure for type 3. The corrective surgery could actually cause more problems than it fixes.
As of right now I am still having tests ran to try and find a cause. I am on constant pain meds. Well, my symptoms seem to have started to become worse again. Pancreatitis type pain that I had in the beginning. Can really eat or drink anything because my already hurting stomach gets much worse with pain in the upper left side ribs and left side back pain. Of course I don't show any elevated enzymes to diagnos pancreatits.
I continue to fight on. Trust me there are many emotional aspects that come into play. First was just being down. Then the depression started after so much pain and the length of time. Suicide has crossed my mind several times. I would never do becaue I love myself and family to much, but illness can bring out all kinds of emotions. I have never been one to show emotion and was rather reserved. Since all of this has started my wife and kids have seen me revert back to being a child almost at times. I have cried, yelled, been agrivated and just plain rude to people.
I will continue to fight this battle until I get an answer. It has tough because of being on short term disability my pay has been cut in half and don't know how long that will last. I have had to sell my vehicle to get rid of the payment to try and help my wife with the bills and to remove some of the stress off of her.
I am a believer in god, just never been much of a church going person. I have decided I need to start going. I need help with this and god may be my only answer. I am sure he can help me through this.
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