Well it is now 4:00 pm and I am still having problems with the pain for some reason. Also started having some nausea. Took some meds for that and will wait and see what happens. I still need to find a way to get this all resolved. I love my wife and kids so much and don't want to disappoint them anymore. I know they are hurting too. It may not be physical pain, but they are dealing with the emotional pain and that can be just as hard as the physical. I really want to be there for them and get this taken care of soon.
If some doctor would just finally say this is the problem and this is what you have to do to fix it then I could take the steps I need to get better. I am so worried about money right now the stress is killing me. I feel like we are going to lose everything and I will know it is my fault. I don't want to have to deal with that. I don't know how I could look any of them in the eyes again without feeling guilty. To go from having everything we need and want to having nothing. Most of all I am scared of losing my job, which will also cause me to lose my insurance. I can't afford the necessary medicine I need without insurance. I have been a medical nightmare for about 15 years now. I can't even walk into an ER and say I have a headache. If I do they immediately get shipped out to a larger hospital because of the AVM in my head. The doctors I guess just don't want to take on the liability. I am also scared by wife is going to lose her job because of taking off of work for me. She just started at a new school this year and does not have tenure so they do not have to renew her contract. I sure hope it all works out and soon. I have become a burden on my family and even though they don't say it I can still see it in their eyes.
No comments:
Post a Comment