I don't know what it is, but I just can't catch a break with all this health crap. Depression and stress are not helping the matter. Now my job wants to me apply for long term disability. My company does not have a very good track record of helping it's employees in this kind of situation and eventually find a way to get rid of you.
We can not afford to live how we do if I can't get back to work very soon. We are about out of savings and I have become unbearable to live with. Hell I can barely live with myself so I can only imagine how my wife and kids feel right now. One way or another this shit is going to end. I am so fucking sick of it and tired of hurting constantly. I have been to so many doctors and none of them can come up with an answer for what the problem is. I have symptoms of several different things but nothing anybody can say this is it. I just don't know how much more of this crap I can take. I hate to sound like a pissy little kid, but it's not fair. I have always done what I am suppose to. Stayed out of trouble, took care of my family and others when I could.
I guess I am just going to have to suck it up and deal with what is coming. I am not sure what we are going to do as a family, but sometimes I feel they would be better off without me and could move on with their lives. I am just so confused that there are so many things going through my mind I can't even have a clear thought. It's sad things have to be like this, but I guess god has a plan for me. I am not sure what it is, but I will know one day I guess. I sure hope whatever it is it happens fast.
Anyway enough whining and bitching from me.
Personal sickness can be hard, from a slight cold that makes you a little grumpy, to whatever you want to take it to, cancer, AIDS, just anything really. Everybody gets to the point sometimes where they just want to throw their hands up and give up on everything. I know I've been there. I'm sure you family understands what you're going through, but I suggest you sit them down and talk to the about how you're feeling. I'm sure you have their full support, and sometimes just hearing that from them helps tremendously. And, as far not being able to find out what's wrong and come up with a definitave diagnosis, someting as simple as going to a new Dr. could be the changing point of heading in the right direction. Get some fresh eyes on the subject. But, the bitch about that is the costs. I hope everything starts to look better for you in the near future.
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